Questions for “normal”people

1. How do you survive without coffee?

I cannot fathom this life. I don’t even want to think about it. It makes me shrivel up and die inside. Yes, I’m literally one of those people who doesn’t feel alive until they have had a cup in the morning. I prefer Topeca, but I will literally drink anything over nothing. If I’m on a road trip, I’ll aim to find the nearest Starbucks (duh), but let’s be honest, I’ll drink McDonalds or freaking Folger’s if I have to. DON’T CARE. Must have caffeine. And NO, green tea won’t cut it. I dislike tea. Bleh. It tastes like dirty water and the only time I drink it is if I’m sick.

2. How do you RSVP to everything?

So I want to be this person, I really really do. I try. But in an effort of full disclosure, I must be honest and say I am one of those horrible people who probably only RSVP’s to half of the invitations we get. There are so many birthdays, wedding showers, baby showers in the world and one’s brain can only handle so many TO-DO’s in a week’s time frame. Oy. I’ll never abandon my quest to reach an 100% completion of task rate, but don’t hold your breath. You can find these invitations stuffed in the back of my day planner or neatly hanging on the bulletin board in the kitchen. I have such good intentions. ;(

3. Do people really return everything they buy online?

Because I don’t. I just don’t. There is a specific corner of the house where all these items collect. And I’ve realized a certain something about myself recently. If the non-returned item sits in that corner of my kitchen for at least 2 months, there’s a 99% chance it’s going to get thrown into the Goodwill bag. In my mind, this justifies the expense of having to return said item. My brain follows this path…”those pants were only $12.. it makes way more sense to donate these to a child in need. Gosh, there are so many kids who need solid uniform pants in a size 8. That child will be way more blessed by these pants than I will be if I return them.” Normal people do this, right?

4. Do you ever pretend you don’t see something so you don’t have to clean it?

EEEK. My husband would tell you this might be one of my biggest flaws as a human. I can literally look at a stain in the carpet where the dog has spit up or a kid has spilled something and pretend I don’t see it. I actually kind of impress myself with how long I can ignore something. Here’s the deal, the truth of the matter if you will. If a big gross mess is made, I clean it. I do. I’m not totally disgusting. I clean it right away in fact. But the lingering, residual stain or spot is the thing I can’t bear to take on. Eventually I will get to it. But it may be 4 months. Again, my time/focus/attention cannot start cleaning ALL THE GROSS THINGS in the house or I would literally never leave or do anything else. So you see, I’m not really pretending it isn’t there. I see it and I don’t like it any more than the next clean freak, but I just can’t always get to it, because there are too many things and my time is better spent on other things like yelling at the dogs or making another cup of coffee.

5. Do people truly consume all of the food in their house before they buy more at the grocery store each week?

It’s not a lie or an exaggeration that every single time I walk into my pantry, I have an entire scenario that plays out in my head involving a huge blizzard or an apocalyptic situation whereby we must survive on all the current food items in the house. Of course “food” that has been processed or packaged is not going to contain many, if any nutrients, but we could still use it for survival purposes. But how long could we last as a family of four with this food? How would we ration it out? How creative could I really get with that carton of almond milk and those canned tomatoes?

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